Relationships

When you first separate, you might want to:

✅ Take your time

You don’t need to make all decisions straight away
Try not to feel pressured into quick decisions

✅ Think about immediate safety and housing

Make sure you and your children are safe
Get advice before leaving your home if possible

✅ Start thinking about your children

Where will they live?
How will they keep in contact with both parents?

✅ Look at your finances

What money, bills or debts do you share?
How will you manage day-to-day costs?

✅ Try to agree together if it’s safe to do so

Many couples can agree arrangements without going to court
Writing things down can help avoid misunderstandings

✅ Consider mediation

A neutral professional can help you reach agreements
Often quicker and less stressful than court

✅ Get advice early

Speak to Citizens Advice or a solicitor before making big decisions
Especially important for housing or finances

✅ Look after your wellbeing

Separation can be emotionally difficult
Reach out for support from friends, family or services

✅ Seek support if you feel unsafe

If there is abuse or controlling behaviour, get help straight away
Specialist services can support you safely

When you first separate, you might want to:

✅ Take your time

You don’t need to make all decisions straight away
Try not to feel pressured into quick decisions

✅ Think about immediate safety and housing

Make sure you and your children are safe
Get advice before leaving your home if possible

✅ Start thinking about your children

Where will they live?
How will they keep in contact with both parents?

✅ Look at your finances

What money, bills or debts do you share?
How will you manage day-to-day costs?

✅ Try to agree together if it’s safe to do so

Many couples can agree arrangements without going to court
Writing things down can help avoid misunderstandings

✅ Consider mediation

A neutral professional can help you reach agreements
Often quicker and less stressful than court

✅ Get advice early

Speak to Citizens Advice or a solicitor before making big decisions
Especially important for housing or finances

✅ Look after your wellbeing

Separation can be emotionally difficult
Reach out for support from friends, family or services

✅ Seek support if you feel unsafe

If there is abuse or controlling behaviour, get help straight away
Specialist services can support you safely

Separating from a partner can feel overwhelming, but you don’t need to make all decisions at once.

When you separate, you may need to work out:

where each of you will live
arrangements for your children
how to divide money and belongings
how you will manage bills and day-to-day costs

It’s important to:

take your time and avoid rushed decisions
try to reach agreement if it is safe to do so
get advice if you’re unsure

You don’t usually need to go to court unless you cannot agree. Many people use mediation or informal agreements instead.

If you’re married or in a civil partnership, you can apply for a divorce or dissolution, but this is a separate process from sorting out arrangements for children, money and your home.

If your partner makes you feel unsafe or pressured, you should seek support before making any decisions.

Separating from a partner can feel overwhelming, but you don’t need to make all decisions at once.

When you separate, you may need to work out:

where each of you will live
arrangements for your children
how to divide money and belongings
how you will manage bills and day-to-day costs

It’s important to:

take your time and avoid rushed decisions
try to reach agreement if it is safe to do so
get advice if you’re unsure

You don’t usually need to go to court unless you cannot agree. Many people use mediation or informal agreements instead.

If you’re married or in a civil partnership, you can apply for a divorce or dissolution, but this is a separate process from sorting out arrangements for children, money and your home.

If your partner makes you feel unsafe or pressured, you should seek support before making any decisions.

Separating from a partner can be one of the most difficult times for a family. Children may experience a range of emotions and changes in their daily life. With the right support, most children can adjust over time and feel secure again.

We have set out here some simple, practical ways to help your child feel safe, listened to and supported.

Listen to your child and take their feelings seriously

Children often pick up on emotions and changes, even if adults try to shield them.

They might feel:

sad, worried or confused
angry or frustrated
unsure about what will happen next

Some children won’t talk openly, but that doesn’t mean they’re not affected.

You can help by:

giving them time and space to talk
listening without interrupting or correcting them
taking their feelings seriously, even if they seem small

Manage your own emotions first

Separation can bring strong emotions such as anger, sadness or frustration.

Cafcass highlights that being able to recognise and manage your own feelings helps you respond better to your child.

Try to:

avoid letting children see ongoing conflict
speak calmly about the situation
put your child’s needs first, even when it’s difficult

Talk honestly and in a child-friendly way

Children need clear, simple explanations about what is happening.

If they don’t understand, they may make up their own explanations or blame themselves.

When talking to your child:

be honest but keep explanations age-appropriate
reassure them the separation is not their fault
remind them that both parents love them

This helps children feel more secure and less anxious.

Regular reassurance is important:

remind them both parents still love them
explain what will stay the same (school, friends, routines)
let them know it’s okay to feel upset

Keep routines and stability

Separation often brings lots of change. Keeping some things the same can help children feel safe. This includes contact with both parents where this is safe.

Try to maintain:

regular routines (school, bedtime, meals)
familiar activities and hobbies
consistent rules and expectations

Routine helps children feel more secure during uncertain times.

Get extra support if needed

You don’t have to manage this alone.

We have a range of information and signpost to lots of support Supporting You and Your Family to Stay Mentally Well.

Separating from a partner can be one of the most difficult times for a family. Children may experience a range of emotions and changes in their daily life. With the right support, most children can adjust over time and feel secure again.

We have set out here some simple, practical ways to help your child feel safe, listened to and supported.

Listen to your child and take their feelings seriously

Children often pick up on emotions and changes, even if adults try to shield them.

They might feel:

sad, worried or confused
angry or frustrated
unsure about what will happen next

Some children won’t talk openly, but that doesn’t mean they’re not affected.

You can help by:

giving them time and space to talk
listening without interrupting or correcting them
taking their feelings seriously, even if they seem small

Manage your own emotions first

Separation can bring strong emotions such as anger, sadness or frustration.

Cafcass highlights that being able to recognise and manage your own feelings helps you respond better to your child.

Try to:

avoid letting children see ongoing conflict
speak calmly about the situation
put your child’s needs first, even when it’s difficult

Talk honestly and in a child-friendly way

Children need clear, simple explanations about what is happening.

If they don’t understand, they may make up their own explanations or blame themselves.

When talking to your child:

be honest but keep explanations age-appropriate
reassure them the separation is not their fault
remind them that both parents love them

This helps children feel more secure and less anxious.

Regular reassurance is important:

remind them both parents still love them
explain what will stay the same (school, friends, routines)
let them know it’s okay to feel upset

Keep routines and stability

Separation often brings lots of change. Keeping some things the same can help children feel safe. This includes contact with both parents where this is safe.

Try to maintain:

regular routines (school, bedtime, meals)
familiar activities and hobbies
consistent rules and expectations

Routine helps children feel more secure during uncertain times.

Get extra support if needed

You don’t have to manage this alone.

We have a range of information and signpost to lots of support Supporting You and Your Family to Stay Mentally Well.

When you separate from your partner, one of the first things to think about is where each of you will live. Your options will depend on your situation – for example, whether you rent or own your home, and whether you are married, in a civil partnership, or living together.

You and your ex-partner may be able to agree what happens to your home between yourselves. If you can’t agree, you might be able to use mediation, where an independent professional helps you find a solution without going to court.

If your situation is more complex, you may need legal advice or help from the court. For example, a court can decide who can stay in the home if needed.

If you feel unsafe or are experiencing domestic abuse, it’s important to get support and advice before making decisions about your home.

When you separate from your partner, one of the first things to think about is where each of you will live. Your options will depend on your situation – for example, whether you rent or own your home, and whether you are married, in a civil partnership, or living together.

You and your ex-partner may be able to agree what happens to your home between yourselves. If you can’t agree, you might be able to use mediation, where an independent professional helps you find a solution without going to court.

If your situation is more complex, you may need legal advice or help from the court. For example, a court can decide who can stay in the home if needed.

If you feel unsafe or are experiencing domestic abuse, it’s important to get support and advice before making decisions about your home.

If you have children, you’ll need to agree:

where they will live
how much time they will spend with each parent
how you will stay in contact

This is called making child arrangements.

Many families agree arrangements informally, but it can help to write things down so everyone is clear.

When deciding what works best, it’s important to think about:

your children’s routines (like school and activities)
what is practical for both parents
what is best for your children’s wellbeing

If you can’t agree, you may be able to use mediation or, as a last resort, ask a court to decide.

You will also need to think about financial support for your children (child maintenance) as part of these arrangements.

If you have children, you’ll need to agree:

where they will live
how much time they will spend with each parent
how you will stay in contact

This is called making child arrangements.

Many families agree arrangements informally, but it can help to write things down so everyone is clear.

When deciding what works best, it’s important to think about:

your children’s routines (like school and activities)
what is practical for both parents
what is best for your children’s wellbeing

If you can’t agree, you may be able to use mediation or, as a last resort, ask a court to decide.

You will also need to think about financial support for your children (child maintenance) as part of these arrangements.

Separating means you’ll need to work out how to manage your finances going forward. This can include:

dividing any money, savings or belongings you share
deciding how bills will be paid
arranging financial support (for a partner or children)

If possible, it’s usually quicker and cheaper to agree arrangements together rather than going to court.

If you reach an agreement, it’s a good idea to:

write it down
consider getting advice from a solicitor

If you cannot agree, you may need mediation or, in some cases, a court decision about how money and property should be divided.

Separating means you’ll need to work out how to manage your finances going forward. This can include:

dividing any money, savings or belongings you share
deciding how bills will be paid
arranging financial support (for a partner or children)

If possible, it’s usually quicker and cheaper to agree arrangements together rather than going to court.

If you reach an agreement, it’s a good idea to:

write it down
consider getting advice from a solicitor

If you cannot agree, you may need mediation or, in some cases, a court decision about how money and property should be divided.

Abuse includes domestic violence, rape and sexual assault. It can be subtle at first and difficult to spot. Find advice on how to tell if your relationship is healthy from Women’s Aid.

The NHS has information on services that can help if you've been sexually assaulted, raped or abused, even if you don't report the assault to the police. The NHS has information on services that can help if you’ve been sexually assaulted, raped or abused, even if you don’t report the assault to the police.

Sexual assault referral centres (SARCs) are located across the country and offer a range of services, including crisis care, medical and forensic examinations, emergency contraception and testing for STIs. To learn more about what happens at Sexual assault referral centres, please watch the video below.

In Hampshire, we have 10 refuges for people fleeing abuse offering 92 bed spaces for victims-survivors and their children.

If you are experiencing abuse and what to talk about it or if you what help to plan your escape from an abuser please contact Stop Domestic Abuse on their advice line on 03300 165 112.

The advice line is available to anyone seeking advice, help, support or access to services. This includes victims and survivors, family and friends of someone experiencing abuse, and professionals.

Hampshire Domestic Abuse Partnership brings together local services providing free support to victims and survivors of abuse, children living in a household with domestic abuse and people who use abusive behaviour. It also supports professionals seeking advice.

The Hampton Trust offers community-based, trauma-informed behaviour change programmes - such as Pathways to Change and CARA (Cautioning and Relationship Abuse) - for individuals who have used abusive behaviour. These aim to address the root causes of harm, promote accountability, and support the development of safe, respectful relationships.

If you need help for yourself or someone else, call the Hampshire Domestic Abuse Advice Line on 0330 165 112. Professionals can also call this number for information and advice.

There is also a National Domestic Abuse Helpline which offers 24-hour confidential support.

If you are seeking help or advice for someone using abusive behaviours in their relationship, contact the Hampton Trust on 02380 009898.

For further information in relation to Domestic Abuse, the Hampshire Constabulary website also provides advice and information of how to report it.