Child to Parent Violence | Hampshire CTSH

Some children may feel a lot of frustration related to their disability. This frustration may be shown through violence, aggression, or self-harming behaviours, such as banging their head or cutting their skin.

Generally, there are four main functions of violent or aggressive behaviour in children and young people with SEND:

To get attention
To get something tangible like sweets or a toy
To avoid doing something
To get a sensory response

But, there are many reasons a child might become violent or aggressive, including:

Frustration
Unmet emotional or psychological needs
Emotional overload
To gain control (usually due to anxiety)
To stop something from happening
To alert you that they need or want attention
They lack the skills to problem-solve and communicate effectively
Their ability to control impulses has not developed yet

Some children may feel a lot of frustration related to their disability. This frustration may be shown through violence, aggression, or self-harming behaviours, such as banging their head or cutting their skin.

Generally, there are four main functions of violent or aggressive behaviour in children and young people with SEND:

To get attention
To get something tangible like sweets or a toy
To avoid doing something
To get a sensory response

But, there are many reasons a child might become violent or aggressive, including:

Frustration
Unmet emotional or psychological needs
Emotional overload
To gain control (usually due to anxiety)
To stop something from happening
To alert you that they need or want attention
They lack the skills to problem-solve and communicate effectively
Their ability to control impulses has not developed yet

One complication of this behaviour is that there’s no set way to respond; what works for one family may not work for another.

Before implementing a strategy for your child you need to understand the triggers for their behaviour.

Are there particular places, events, or objects that the child responds to violently?

Most children are sensitive about certain things or get stressed about certain events. With disabled children, this sensitivity can be enhanced. For example, sensitivity to loud noises, bright colours, or certain textures. Understanding what triggers the child can help reduce the behaviours by removing or reducing the trigger where possible. It might help to keep a diary for a while. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation have a chart which you can use to record your child’s behaviour here.

Are environmental factors involved?

Consider whether the child’s environment might contribute to their behaviour. If violent and aggressive behaviour is prominent in a certain place, for example at home or at school, then you may want to look at ways of modifying the environment to help them.

A common problem can be sensory stimuli in the environment such as noises, smells, and colours. For more information on sensory needs and what changes can help please see The National Autism Society’s website.

Could your child be experiencing pain?

If the child’s behaviour changes suddenly, then it may be due to physical changes your child is experiencing, for example, puberty pains or a toothache. If your child finds it difficult to communicate, it might not be easy for them to tell you about their pain and difficult for you to know what they are experiencing. Some children struggle to recognise the signals from their body so it can be hard for them to articulate that they are experiencing pain and some children do not have the verbal ability to express themselves. PECS cards can help children to indicate that they are experiencing pain.

Has there been a change which might have triggered the behaviour?

Changes to a child’s routine, in who is providing care to them or changes like a new baby in the family can spark challenging behaviour.

To help your child you might want to consider using a social story to explain any changes to them in a way that helps them to understand. If you can, try to use social stories to prepare your child for any changes that you know will happen.

One complication of this behaviour is that there’s no set way to respond; what works for one family may not work for another.

Before implementing a strategy for your child you need to understand the triggers for their behaviour.

Are there particular places, events, or objects that the child responds to violently?

Most children are sensitive about certain things or get stressed about certain events. With disabled children, this sensitivity can be enhanced. For example, sensitivity to loud noises, bright colours, or certain textures. Understanding what triggers the child can help reduce the behaviours by removing or reducing the trigger where possible. It might help to keep a diary for a while. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation have a chart which you can use to record your child’s behaviour here.

Are environmental factors involved?

Consider whether the child’s environment might contribute to their behaviour. If violent and aggressive behaviour is prominent in a certain place, for example at home or at school, then you may want to look at ways of modifying the environment to help them.

A common problem can be sensory stimuli in the environment such as noises, smells, and colours. For more information on sensory needs and what changes can help please see The National Autism Society’s website.

Could your child be experiencing pain?

If the child’s behaviour changes suddenly, then it may be due to physical changes your child is experiencing, for example, puberty pains or a toothache. If your child finds it difficult to communicate, it might not be easy for them to tell you about their pain and difficult for you to know what they are experiencing. Some children struggle to recognise the signals from their body so it can be hard for them to articulate that they are experiencing pain and some children do not have the verbal ability to express themselves. PECS cards can help children to indicate that they are experiencing pain.

Has there been a change which might have triggered the behaviour?

Changes to a child’s routine, in who is providing care to them or changes like a new baby in the family can spark challenging behaviour.

To help your child you might want to consider using a social story to explain any changes to them in a way that helps them to understand. If you can, try to use social stories to prepare your child for any changes that you know will happen.

Once you have considered your child’s environment, ability, and triggers, you can work on a strategy to reduce violent and aggressive behaviours. This might be challenging the environment, introducing social stories and PECS to aid communication or replacing their current way of communicating a need with something less harmful.

For support in developing strategies, here are some organisations that can help;

Newbold Hope is an organisation which aims to support parents of children with SEND who experience challenging behaviour. They have compiled a list of the most useful information for parents to help them reduce their child’s challenging behaviour. They run webinars, parenting courses and have a Facebook group for parents to join.

Parenting Education Growth Support aim to create safe places online where you can talk openly about your experiences and is open to any parent, carer or guardian experiencing Child to Parent Abuse, regardless of the age of their child.

You can self-refer and they will be in touch to let you know which services below we're able to offer. Our drop-ins and peer support group are available to every parent who refers is referred. They also offer multiple virtual drop-in sessions each week, at different times during the day and evening and peer support groups.

PEGS run Empowering Parents in Crisis (EPIC) sessions are tailor-made for parents, carers and guardians and aimed at reducing feelings of isolation, guilt and blame.

They talk about coping strategies, behaviour and communication, confidence building, and the importance of self-care. They also run one-to-one support. Please note, due to increasing referral numbers, there may be a wait for one-to-one support.

Non-Violent Resistance is a parenting course which aims to reduce child to parent violence. Youth Options in Eastleigh run the course for free and the Family Support Service runs the course in various locations around Hampshire.