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Child to Parent Violence

There is currently no legal definition of child-to-parent violence, but typically, it is referred to as a pattern of physical, psychological, and emotional behaviour seen in children and adolescents who cannot regulate their feelings in other ways or have a great need to gain control over their parents or carers.

Violence from children can be shown in a variety of ways:

  • Threats of violence – intimidation and sustaining a fear of violence.
  • Physical violence – hitting, kicking, biting, and spitting.
  • Verbal aggression – shouting, swearing, and offensive language.
  • Emotional abuse – humiliating language, lying, withholding affection, threatening to run away, or hurt themselves, and relentlessly pursuing parents around the home.
  • Financial abuse – stealing, destroying property, and demanding expensive items.

Some children may feel a lot of frustration related to their additional needs. This frustration may be shown through violence, aggression, or self-harming behaviours, such as banging their head or cutting their skin.

Generally, there are four main functions of violent or aggressive behaviour in children and young people with additional needs:

  •  To get attention
  • To get something tangible like sweets or a toy
  •  To avoid doing something
  • To get a sensory response

But, there are many reasons a child might become violent or aggressive, including:

  • Frustration
  • Unmet emotional or psychological needs
  •  Emotional overload
  • To gain control (usually due to anxiety)
  • To stop something from happening
  • To alert you that they need or want attention
  • They lack the skills to problem-solve and communicate effectively
  • Their ability to control impulses has not developed yet

Some children may feel a lot of frustration related to their additional needs. This frustration may be shown through violence, aggression, or self-harming behaviours, such as banging their head or cutting their skin.

Generally, there are four main functions of violent or aggressive behaviour in children and young people with additional needs:

  •  To get attention
  • To get something tangible like sweets or a toy
  •  To avoid doing something
  • To get a sensory response

But, there are many reasons a child might become violent or aggressive, including:

  • Frustration
  • Unmet emotional or psychological needs
  •  Emotional overload
  • To gain control (usually due to anxiety)
  • To stop something from happening
  • To alert you that they need or want attention
  • They lack the skills to problem-solve and communicate effectively
  • Their ability to control impulses has not developed yet

One complication of this behaviour is that there’s no set way to respond; what works for one family may not work for another.

Before implementing a strategy for your child you need to understand the triggers for their behaviour.

Are there particular places, events, or objects that the child responds to violently?

Most children are sensitive about certain things or get stressed about certain events. With children with additional needs, this sensitivity can be enhanced. For example, sensitivity to loud noises, bright colours, or certain textures. Understanding what triggers the child can help reduce the behaviours by removing or reducing the trigger where possible. It might help to keep a diary for a while. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation have a chart which you can use to record your child’s behaviour here.

Are environmental factors involved?

Consider whether the child’s environment might contribute to their behaviour. If violent and aggressive behaviour is prominent in a certain place, for example at home or at school, then you may want to look at ways of modifying the environment to help them.

A common problem can be sensory stimuli in the environment such as noises, smells, and colours. For more information on sensory needs and what changes can help please see The National Autism Society’s website.

Could your child be experiencing pain?

If the child’s behaviour changes suddenly, then it may be due to physical changes your child is experiencing, for example, puberty pains or a toothache. If your child finds it difficult to communicate, it might not be easy for them to tell you about their pain and difficult for you to know what they are experiencing. Some children struggle to recognise the signals from their body so it can be hard for them to articulate that they are experiencing pain and some children do not have the verbal ability to express themselves. PECS cards can help children to indicate that they are experiencing pain.

Has there been a change which might have triggered the behaviour?

Changes to a child’s routine, in who is providing care to them or changes like a new baby in the family can spark challenging behaviour.

To help your child you might want to consider using a social story to explain any changes to them in a way that helps them to understand. If you can, try to use social stories to prepare your child for any changes that you know will happen.

One complication of this behaviour is that there’s no set way to respond; what works for one family may not work for another.

Before implementing a strategy for your child you need to understand the triggers for their behaviour.

Are there particular places, events, or objects that the child responds to violently?

Most children are sensitive about certain things or get stressed about certain events. With children with additional needs, this sensitivity can be enhanced. For example, sensitivity to loud noises, bright colours, or certain textures. Understanding what triggers the child can help reduce the behaviours by removing or reducing the trigger where possible. It might help to keep a diary for a while. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation have a chart which you can use to record your child’s behaviour here.

Are environmental factors involved?

Consider whether the child’s environment might contribute to their behaviour. If violent and aggressive behaviour is prominent in a certain place, for example at home or at school, then you may want to look at ways of modifying the environment to help them.

A common problem can be sensory stimuli in the environment such as noises, smells, and colours. For more information on sensory needs and what changes can help please see The National Autism Society’s website.

Could your child be experiencing pain?

If the child’s behaviour changes suddenly, then it may be due to physical changes your child is experiencing, for example, puberty pains or a toothache. If your child finds it difficult to communicate, it might not be easy for them to tell you about their pain and difficult for you to know what they are experiencing. Some children struggle to recognise the signals from their body so it can be hard for them to articulate that they are experiencing pain and some children do not have the verbal ability to express themselves. PECS cards can help children to indicate that they are experiencing pain.

Has there been a change which might have triggered the behaviour?

Changes to a child’s routine, in who is providing care to them or changes like a new baby in the family can spark challenging behaviour.

To help your child you might want to consider using a social story to explain any changes to them in a way that helps them to understand. If you can, try to use social stories to prepare your child for any changes that you know will happen.

Once you have considered your child’s environment, ability, and triggers, you can work on a strategy to reduce violent and aggressive behaviours. This might be challenging the environment, introducing social stories and PECS to aid communication or replacing their current way of communicating a need with something less harmful.

For support in developing strategies, here are some organisations that can help;

Newbold Hope is an organisation which aims to support parents of children with SEND who experience challenging behaviour. They have compiled a list of the most useful information for parents to help them reduce their child’s challenging behaviour. They run webinars, parenting courses and have a Facebook group for parents to join.

Parenting Education Growth Support aim to create safe places online where you can talk openly about your experiences and is open to any parent, carer or guardian experiencing Child to Parent Abuse, regardless of the age of their child.

You can self-refer and they will be in touch to let you know which services below we're able to offer. Our drop-ins and peer support group are available to every parent who refers is referred. They also offer multiple virtual drop-in sessions each week, at different times during the day and evening and peer support groups.

PEGS run Empowering Parents in Crisis (EPIC) sessions are tailor-made for parents, carers and guardians and aimed at reducing feelings of isolation, guilt and blame.

They talk about coping strategies, behaviour and communication, confidence building, and the importance of self-care. They also run one-to-one support. Please note, due to increasing referral numbers, there may be a wait for one-to-one support.

Non-Violent Resistance is a parenting course which aims to reduce child to parent violence. Youth Options in Eastleigh run the course for free and the Family Support Service runs the course in various locations around Hampshire.

Once you have considered your child’s environment, ability, and triggers, you can work on a strategy to reduce violent and aggressive behaviours. This might be challenging the environment, introducing social stories and PECS to aid communication or replacing their current way of communicating a need with something less harmful.

For support in developing strategies, here are some organisations that can help;

Newbold Hope is an organisation which aims to support parents of children with SEND who experience challenging behaviour. They have compiled a list of the most useful information for parents to help them reduce their child’s challenging behaviour. They run webinars, parenting courses and have a Facebook group for parents to join.

Parenting Education Growth Support aim to create safe places online where you can talk openly about your experiences and is open to any parent, carer or guardian experiencing Child to Parent Abuse, regardless of the age of their child.

You can self-refer and they will be in touch to let you know which services below we're able to offer. Our drop-ins and peer support group are available to every parent who refers is referred. They also offer multiple virtual drop-in sessions each week, at different times during the day and evening and peer support groups.

PEGS run Empowering Parents in Crisis (EPIC) sessions are tailor-made for parents, carers and guardians and aimed at reducing feelings of isolation, guilt and blame.

They talk about coping strategies, behaviour and communication, confidence building, and the importance of self-care. They also run one-to-one support. Please note, due to increasing referral numbers, there may be a wait for one-to-one support.

Non-Violent Resistance is a parenting course which aims to reduce child to parent violence. Youth Options in Eastleigh run the course for free and the Family Support Service runs the course in various locations around Hampshire.

Kent and Medway Domestic Abuse Strategy Group resource booklet for parents and carers

This resource is a free, downloadable booklet designed to support parents and carers experiencing violence or abuse from an adolescent child. It is published via Social Workers Toolbox, a respected platform that curates practical, trauma‑informed resources for families and professionals.

The booklet is informational and supportive, not judgmental or diagnostic, and is intended to help parents understand what is happening, validate their experience, and think safely about next steps.

Adolescent Violence to Parents –

The Home Office Information Guide: Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (APVA)

This is a national guidance document originally published by the Home Office, with SafeLives closely associated with promoting best practice in responding to domestic abuse, including APVA. Although written primarily for professionals, it is highly relevant for parents because it legitimises their experiences, explains APVA clearly, and underpins many specialist services such as PEGS, RISE and local APA pathways

The Information Guide: Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse – Safelives

Holes in the Wall – a blog on child to parent violence and abuse

Holes in the Wall is a UK‑based awareness‑raising and storytelling project that documents the lived experiences of parents who have been subjected to child‑to‑parent abuse (CPA), sometimes also referred to as adolescent‑to‑parent abuse (APVA). The project’s core purpose is to give voice to parents whose experiences are often silenced, dismissed or misunderstood.

 

Action for Children information for parents – Dealing with violent behaviour from your child or teenager

The Action for Children / Parent Talk page “My child is being violent” is a free, practical guidance resource for parents and carers who are experiencing violent behaviour from a child or teenager. It is designed to support families with immediate safety, understanding what may be happening, and knowing where to turn for help. 

The guidance is non‑judgemental, reassurance‑focused, and suitable for families dealing with stress, emotional overwhelm, neurodivergence or escalating behaviour at home.

Action for Children information for parents 

Respect on CAPVA – Information on adolescent to parent violence

Respect is a UK charity specialising in domestic abuse and harmful behaviours. It uses the term Child and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA) to describe situations where a child or young person aged 8–18 engages in repeated abusive behaviour toward a parent or adult carer. 

Respect’s role is primarily national leadership, research, training and coordination, rather than direct crisis support for families. Its work is highly influential in shaping how services understand and respond to CAPVA.

Respect on CAPVA 

PEGS (Parental Education Growth Support)

PEGS (Parental Education Growth Support) is a UK‑based social enterprise that supports parents, carers and guardians who are experiencing Child to Parent Abuse (CPA). Their work focuses on supporting parents, training professionals, and improving systems and policy, rather than working directly with the child displaying the behaviours.

PEGS provides virtual support services for parents across the UK, allowing access regardless of location. Support includes:

  • one‑to‑one calls,
  • drop‑in sessions,
  • structured support conversations,
  • peer support opportunities.

Child to parent abuse - Parental Education Growth Support (PEGS)

Rise

RISE’s Child‑to‑Parent Abuse resource offers:

  • clear recognition of CPA as domestic abuse
  • validation of parents’ fear, shame and confusion
  • a strong message that abuse is not “normal” or acceptable
  • parent‑safety‑first framing
  • confidential access to specialist help via a helpline

It is especially valuable for parents who feel afraid at home, are walking on eggshells, or worry that seeking help will result in blame rather than understanding.

Rise - Child-to-Parent Abuse

Stop Domestic Abuse

Stop Domestic Abuse (SDA) is a specialist domestic abuse organisation. The Hampshire Adolescent‑to‑Parent Abuse (APA) Groupwork Programme is a targeted service supporting parents and carers who are experiencing child‑to‑parent or adolescent‑to‑parent abuse within the family home. The programme operates across Hampshire, including Gosport, and surrounding districts. 

This service recognises CPA/APA as a form of domestic abuse, not as ordinary or inevitable “challenging behaviour”.

Stop Domestic Abuse

Families Under Pressure

Families Under Pressure is a free, evidence‑based parenting resource created by Maudsley Charity in collaboration with NHS clinicians and academic researchers. It is designed to support parents who are dealing with challenging behaviour and emotional difficulties in children and young people, particularly during stressful or overwhelming times.

Parenting Tips & Tricks - Families Under Pressure - Maudsley Charity

Newbold Hope

Newbold Hope supports parents of children with disabilities or additional needs where behaviour feels violent, frightening or dangerous. The organisation is run by parents with lived experience and focuses on helping families understand anxiety‑driven behaviour, reduce crises, and feel less alone. Support includes free resources, online learning, parent groups and webinars, all delivered with compassion rather than judgement.

Newbold Hope Home Page

Kent and Medway Domestic Abuse Strategy Group resource booklet for parents and carers

This resource is a free, downloadable booklet designed to support parents and carers experiencing violence or abuse from an adolescent child. It is published via Social Workers Toolbox, a respected platform that curates practical, trauma‑informed resources for families and professionals.

The booklet is informational and supportive, not judgmental or diagnostic, and is intended to help parents understand what is happening, validate their experience, and think safely about next steps.

Adolescent Violence to Parents –

The Home Office Information Guide: Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (APVA)

This is a national guidance document originally published by the Home Office, with SafeLives closely associated with promoting best practice in responding to domestic abuse, including APVA. Although written primarily for professionals, it is highly relevant for parents because it legitimises their experiences, explains APVA clearly, and underpins many specialist services such as PEGS, RISE and local APA pathways

The Information Guide: Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse – Safelives

Holes in the Wall – a blog on child to parent violence and abuse

Holes in the Wall is a UK‑based awareness‑raising and storytelling project that documents the lived experiences of parents who have been subjected to child‑to‑parent abuse (CPA), sometimes also referred to as adolescent‑to‑parent abuse (APVA). The project’s core purpose is to give voice to parents whose experiences are often silenced, dismissed or misunderstood.

 

Action for Children information for parents – Dealing with violent behaviour from your child or teenager

The Action for Children / Parent Talk page “My child is being violent” is a free, practical guidance resource for parents and carers who are experiencing violent behaviour from a child or teenager. It is designed to support families with immediate safety, understanding what may be happening, and knowing where to turn for help. 

The guidance is non‑judgemental, reassurance‑focused, and suitable for families dealing with stress, emotional overwhelm, neurodivergence or escalating behaviour at home.

Action for Children information for parents 

Respect on CAPVA – Information on adolescent to parent violence

Respect is a UK charity specialising in domestic abuse and harmful behaviours. It uses the term Child and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA) to describe situations where a child or young person aged 8–18 engages in repeated abusive behaviour toward a parent or adult carer. 

Respect’s role is primarily national leadership, research, training and coordination, rather than direct crisis support for families. Its work is highly influential in shaping how services understand and respond to CAPVA.

Respect on CAPVA 

PEGS (Parental Education Growth Support)

PEGS (Parental Education Growth Support) is a UK‑based social enterprise that supports parents, carers and guardians who are experiencing Child to Parent Abuse (CPA). Their work focuses on supporting parents, training professionals, and improving systems and policy, rather than working directly with the child displaying the behaviours.

PEGS provides virtual support services for parents across the UK, allowing access regardless of location. Support includes:

  • one‑to‑one calls,
  • drop‑in sessions,
  • structured support conversations,
  • peer support opportunities.

Child to parent abuse - Parental Education Growth Support (PEGS)

Rise

RISE’s Child‑to‑Parent Abuse resource offers:

  • clear recognition of CPA as domestic abuse
  • validation of parents’ fear, shame and confusion
  • a strong message that abuse is not “normal” or acceptable
  • parent‑safety‑first framing
  • confidential access to specialist help via a helpline

It is especially valuable for parents who feel afraid at home, are walking on eggshells, or worry that seeking help will result in blame rather than understanding.

Rise - Child-to-Parent Abuse

Stop Domestic Abuse

Stop Domestic Abuse (SDA) is a specialist domestic abuse organisation. The Hampshire Adolescent‑to‑Parent Abuse (APA) Groupwork Programme is a targeted service supporting parents and carers who are experiencing child‑to‑parent or adolescent‑to‑parent abuse within the family home. The programme operates across Hampshire, including Gosport, and surrounding districts. 

This service recognises CPA/APA as a form of domestic abuse, not as ordinary or inevitable “challenging behaviour”.

Stop Domestic Abuse

Families Under Pressure

Families Under Pressure is a free, evidence‑based parenting resource created by Maudsley Charity in collaboration with NHS clinicians and academic researchers. It is designed to support parents who are dealing with challenging behaviour and emotional difficulties in children and young people, particularly during stressful or overwhelming times.

Parenting Tips & Tricks - Families Under Pressure - Maudsley Charity

Newbold Hope

Newbold Hope supports parents of children with disabilities or additional needs where behaviour feels violent, frightening or dangerous. The organisation is run by parents with lived experience and focuses on helping families understand anxiety‑driven behaviour, reduce crises, and feel less alone. Support includes free resources, online learning, parent groups and webinars, all delivered with compassion rather than judgement.

Newbold Hope Home Page

Helpful Links