Supporting Good Mental Health and Wellbeing

Bonding with your child is a two way process. The turn-taking and two-way interaction where we respond to each other's signals (like smiles, sounds, or gestures) in a rhythmic and in tune way, help build the bond when your child is small and keep it strong as the child grows. Some children and young people with traits of neurodiversity may not pick up on cues from their caregiver and they may not return their attempts to bond and interact with them. This means there is a higher risk of disruption to our relationship with them. This is no one's fault but it is helpful to keep this in mind as it can mean we need to work harder to get and keep this close bond than parents of children without additional needs.

Sometimes, like with all relationships, our relationships with our children or young people can go through a bad patch. This is normal but they are things we can do to pull things back on track. A close bond with our children helps them open up to us about how they are feeling, come to us when they need help and supports good mental health.

There’s no formula for getting your parent-child relationship right. But if your relationship with your child is built on warm, loving and responsive interactions most of the time, your child will feel loved, safe and secure.

Strategies to try:

Reserve some time in each day to be in the moment with your child
Spend quality time with your child doing things they enjoy
Establish an environment of trust and respect. Some ideas of how to do this.
Surprise them with something they like i.e. a magazine, a sweet, a milkshake etc.. Don’t link this to their behaviour, make it clear you did this just because they are them and you love them.

How can we show we are in the moment with our children?

Being in the moment is about tuning in and thinking about what’s going on with your child. It shows your child that you care about the things that matter to them, which is the basis for a strong relationship.

Here are ideas for being in the moment with your child:

Show acceptance, let your child be, and try not to give directions all the time.
Notice what your child is doing and encourage it without judgment.
Listen to your child and tune in to their feelings.
Stop and think about what your child’s behaviour is telling you.
Support your child’s ideas.
When your child expresses an opinion, use this to learn more about your child’s thoughts and feelings, even if they’re different from yours.

Repeating or rephrasing your child’s words, smiling and making eye contact (if they are comfortable with this) tells your child you’re paying attention when you’re talking or spending time together. These expressions of warmth and interest help your child feel secure and build confidence.

Set up some firm but fair family rules. Rules are clear statements about how your family wants to treat its members. They can help your child trust that you’ll treat them fairly and consistently. This can also reduce anxiety as it helps children know what is expected of them.

Bonding with your child is a two way process. The turn-taking and two-way interaction where we respond to each other's signals (like smiles, sounds, or gestures) in a rhythmic and in tune way, help build the bond when your child is small and keep it strong as the child grows. Some children and young people with traits of neurodiversity may not pick up on cues from their caregiver and they may not return their attempts to bond and interact with them. This means there is a higher risk of disruption to our relationship with them. This is no one's fault but it is helpful to keep this in mind as it can mean we need to work harder to get and keep this close bond than parents of children without additional needs.

Sometimes, like with all relationships, our relationships with our children or young people can go through a bad patch. This is normal but they are things we can do to pull things back on track. A close bond with our children helps them open up to us about how they are feeling, come to us when they need help and supports good mental health.

There’s no formula for getting your parent-child relationship right. But if your relationship with your child is built on warm, loving and responsive interactions most of the time, your child will feel loved, safe and secure.

Strategies to try:

Reserve some time in each day to be in the moment with your child
Spend quality time with your child doing things they enjoy
Establish an environment of trust and respect. Some ideas of how to do this.
Surprise them with something they like i.e. a magazine, a sweet, a milkshake etc.. Don’t link this to their behaviour, make it clear you did this just because they are them and you love them.

How can we show we are in the moment with our children?

Being in the moment is about tuning in and thinking about what’s going on with your child. It shows your child that you care about the things that matter to them, which is the basis for a strong relationship.

Here are ideas for being in the moment with your child:

Show acceptance, let your child be, and try not to give directions all the time.
Notice what your child is doing and encourage it without judgment.
Listen to your child and tune in to their feelings.
Stop and think about what your child’s behaviour is telling you.
Support your child’s ideas.
When your child expresses an opinion, use this to learn more about your child’s thoughts and feelings, even if they’re different from yours.

Repeating or rephrasing your child’s words, smiling and making eye contact (if they are comfortable with this) tells your child you’re paying attention when you’re talking or spending time together. These expressions of warmth and interest help your child feel secure and build confidence.

Set up some firm but fair family rules. Rules are clear statements about how your family wants to treat its members. They can help your child trust that you’ll treat them fairly and consistently. This can also reduce anxiety as it helps children know what is expected of them.

Build Resilience: Encourage activities that build your child’s self-esteem and resilience, such as participating in sports, art, or hobbies. Doing activities that they enjoy and are good at can really help foster good mental health.
Peer Support: Although many young people with SEN struggle with social skills, it can help to foster connections with peers who are understanding and supportive. Look for clubs either online or local to you for children or young people who have things in common with them that they might like to join.
Promote Independence: Help your child develop life skills and independence, even if they have significant challenges. This can help them feel a sense of accomplishment and be proud on themselves.
Stress Management: Teach your child stress management techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or yoga, to help them cope with anxiety or frustration. ChildLine Calm Zone have videos and resources you can use with your child.
Self-Care: Model self-care practices for your child. Demonstrating how to manage stress and prioritise mental health can be a powerful example for them.
Celebrate Achievements: Celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small. Recognise their strengths and progress, reinforcing their sense of self-worth.

Build Resilience: Encourage activities that build your child’s self-esteem and resilience, such as participating in sports, art, or hobbies. Doing activities that they enjoy and are good at can really help foster good mental health.
Peer Support: Although many young people with SEN struggle with social skills, it can help to foster connections with peers who are understanding and supportive. Look for clubs either online or local to you for children or young people who have things in common with them that they might like to join.
Promote Independence: Help your child develop life skills and independence, even if they have significant challenges. This can help them feel a sense of accomplishment and be proud on themselves.
Stress Management: Teach your child stress management techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or yoga, to help them cope with anxiety or frustration. ChildLine Calm Zone have videos and resources you can use with your child.
Self-Care: Model self-care practices for your child. Demonstrating how to manage stress and prioritise mental health can be a powerful example for them.
Celebrate Achievements: Celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small. Recognise their strengths and progress, reinforcing their sense of self-worth.

Keep in mind that all children are different, but some of the common signs of mental health problems in children include:

becoming withdrawn from friends and family
persistent low mood and unhappiness
tearfulness and irritability
worries that stop them from carrying out day to day tasks
sudden outbursts of anger directed at themselves or others
loss of interest in activities that they used to enjoy
problems eating or sleeping

Keep in mind that all children are different, but some of the common signs of mental health problems in children include:

becoming withdrawn from friends and family
persistent low mood and unhappiness
tearfulness and irritability
worries that stop them from carrying out day to day tasks
sudden outbursts of anger directed at themselves or others
loss of interest in activities that they used to enjoy
problems eating or sleeping

One of the best places to start is by talking about mental health to your child. Your child needs to develop the language he or she needs to describe their emotions. This is often called emotional literacy. For some good ideas on how to support your child to develop emotional literacy visit Action For Children.

In addition to improving emotional literacy, an open dialogue will also go a long way to making your child feel heard and supported. Make conversations about mental health a normal part of life – anywhere is a good place to talk; in the car, walking the dog or cooking together. Ask open-ended questions and show empathy rather than trying to offer immediate solutions.

When listening, make sure you’re fully present and that your child can feel that they have your undivided attention. Put your phone and other distractions to one side and just be there with your child and listen to what they have to say.

Children and young people with SEN can sometimes struggle with emotional regulation. When we get frustrated, angry, sad, excited or experience any other big emotion, we have strategies that we use to regulate ourselves again. For example, when you are sad, you might call your mum, take a bath or listen to a particular piece of music. Over your life, you have learned lots of ways to help you regulate your emotions. All children need to learn these techniques but sometimes children with SEN still need to learn these when they are at an older age. For more information and some good ideas on how to support your child to learn self-regulation techniques see the Bright Heart website.

Children live what they learn so it is imperative that we model healthy habits and show our children what good emotional regulation and self-care looks like. If you feel stressed out, anxious and overwhelmed, make a point of implementing a self-care routine so you can demonstrate to your child good habits.

One of the best places to start is by talking about mental health to your child. Your child needs to develop the language he or she needs to describe their emotions. This is often called emotional literacy. For some good ideas on how to support your child to develop emotional literacy visit Action For Children.

In addition to improving emotional literacy, an open dialogue will also go a long way to making your child feel heard and supported. Make conversations about mental health a normal part of life – anywhere is a good place to talk; in the car, walking the dog or cooking together. Ask open-ended questions and show empathy rather than trying to offer immediate solutions.

When listening, make sure you’re fully present and that your child can feel that they have your undivided attention. Put your phone and other distractions to one side and just be there with your child and listen to what they have to say.

Children and young people with SEN can sometimes struggle with emotional regulation. When we get frustrated, angry, sad, excited or experience any other big emotion, we have strategies that we use to regulate ourselves again. For example, when you are sad, you might call your mum, take a bath or listen to a particular piece of music. Over your life, you have learned lots of ways to help you regulate your emotions. All children need to learn these techniques but sometimes children with SEN still need to learn these when they are at an older age. For more information and some good ideas on how to support your child to learn self-regulation techniques see the Bright Heart website.

Children live what they learn so it is imperative that we model healthy habits and show our children what good emotional regulation and self-care looks like. If you feel stressed out, anxious and overwhelmed, make a point of implementing a self-care routine so you can demonstrate to your child good habits.

More information and advice on supporting the mental health of children

Get in touch with your child’s teacher and/or tutors

It is vital that they are made aware that your child is struggling and they will be able to keep an eye on them in school and provide much-needed additional support and encouragement. Schools can refer to The Mental Health Support Teams (MHST) which is a Hampshire CAMHS early help service designed to improve access to psychological therapies for young people. Find out more about the Mental Health Support Teams in Schools.

Speak to your child’s GP

You may wish to speak to your child’s GP. Before your appointment, keep a diary of the signs you are seeing with detailed examples to give your GP to help them understand the situation.

CAMHS – Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services.

This is where referrals from a GP will usually end up. It can take a long time to be seen by CAMHS and only children with more severe mental health needs need to see a mental health professional. CAMH’s run some brilliant events and have a useful website for you to get advice on how to support your child’s mental health at home.

Young Minds helpline

Young Minds offer tailored information, advice and support to parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person’s mental health. You can speak to them over the phone, or chat to them online.

You can use the Helpline service if you are the parent or main carer of a child or young person aged 25 or under. It is free and confidential.

Parenting Mental Health

Parenting Mental Health understand the unique challenges that come with parenting or caring for a child with mental illness. You can sign up to access their private and confidential Facebook community where more than 47,000 parents support each other day and night so you don’t have to do this alone.

Childline

has trained counsellors who can help your child to talk about the emotions they may be feeling. It’s a safe space for children to think about ways to improve their situation. They often find it easier to open up to someone they don’t know.

The National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children

The NSPCC website offers a wealth of additional information and support for you and your child.