Some children may have:
- Delays in communication or language
- Difficulties with understanding emotions (their own or others’)
- Delayed development in executive functioning skills, such as impulse control and flexible thinking
Emotional Regulation in Children and Young People
Emotional regulation refers to a child’s ability to understand, manage, and respond to their feelings in a healthy and appropriate way. Some children and young people may find this more difficult, which can affect their behaviour, relationships, and ability to learn.
More information from Family Assist.
This section explains why emotional regulation difficulties may occur, what they might look like, and how parents and carers can support their child.
Some children may have:
- Delays in communication or language
- Difficulties with understanding emotions (their own or others’)
- Delayed development in executive functioning skills, such as impulse control and flexible thinking
Emotional challenges may also be linked to:
- Stress, change, or transitions
- Overwhelming environments, especially those with noise, crowds, or sensory overload
- Family or school pressures
- Fatigue or unmet physical needs (e.g., hunger, thirst, sleep)
Emotional challenges may also be linked to:
- Stress, change, or transitions
- Overwhelming environments, especially those with noise, crowds, or sensory overload
- Family or school pressures
- Fatigue or unmet physical needs (e.g., hunger, thirst, sleep)
Children who have experienced instability, loss, or early trauma may find it harder to manage strong emotions, even in everyday situations. If your child has experienced trauma, it does not mean you have failed as a parent. It simply means that both you and your child are human. Trauma can arise in many different ways—some events are unexpected and unavoidable, such as a bereavement, while others can be rooted in experiences passed down through generations.
Hearing that your child has been affected by trauma can trigger powerful emotions, including guilt, shame, or a sense of being judged. These feelings are completely understandable. But it is important to remember that no one can change what has already happened. What matters now is focusing on the support, stability, and healing you and your child can build together moving forward.
Children who have experienced instability, loss, or early trauma may find it harder to manage strong emotions, even in everyday situations. If your child has experienced trauma, it does not mean you have failed as a parent. It simply means that both you and your child are human. Trauma can arise in many different ways—some events are unexpected and unavoidable, such as a bereavement, while others can be rooted in experiences passed down through generations.
Hearing that your child has been affected by trauma can trigger powerful emotions, including guilt, shame, or a sense of being judged. These feelings are completely understandable. But it is important to remember that no one can change what has already happened. What matters now is focusing on the support, stability, and healing you and your child can build together moving forward.
Every child is different, but common signs include:
Emotional responses
- Big reactions to small problems
- Difficulty calming down once upset
- Frequent worry, frustration, or low mood
- Sudden mood changes
Behavioural responses
- Meltdowns or shutdowns
- Withdrawn or avoidant behaviour
- Impulsivity, “acting without thinking”
- Physical or verbal outbursts
Social/communication signs
- Struggling to explain feelings
- Misunderstanding social situations
- Difficulty managing conflict or sharing
Physical responses
- Tension or restlessness
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Complaints of headaches or stomach aches
- Needing movement or sensory input to stay calm
Not all children will show obvious signs. Some internalise emotions quietly and may appear compliant but stressed.
Every child is different, but common signs include:
Emotional responses
- Big reactions to small problems
- Difficulty calming down once upset
- Frequent worry, frustration, or low mood
- Sudden mood changes
Behavioural responses
- Meltdowns or shutdowns
- Withdrawn or avoidant behaviour
- Impulsivity, “acting without thinking”
- Physical or verbal outbursts
Social/communication signs
- Struggling to explain feelings
- Misunderstanding social situations
- Difficulty managing conflict or sharing
Physical responses
- Tension or restlessness
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Complaints of headaches or stomach aches
- Needing movement or sensory input to stay calm
Not all children will show obvious signs. Some internalise emotions quietly and may appear compliant but stressed.
Create a calm, predictable environment
- Establish routines for mornings, school, and bedtime
- Use visual timetables or schedules
- Give plenty of notice before transitions or changes
Help your child recognise and name emotions
- Use emotion charts or picture cards
- Model naming your own feelings: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a breath.”
- Read books or watch programmes that talk about feelings
Teach coping strategies
These can be practised when your child is calm:
- Deep breathing (e.g., “smell the flower, blow the candle”)
- Counting slowly
- Using sensory tools like fidget toys or stress balls
- Taking short movement breaks
- Listening to calming music
- Going to a quiet space
Use co‑regulation
Children often need adults to help them calm down. This might include:
- Staying nearby and speaking gently
- Offering reassurance
- Helping them make sense of what happened
- Keeping your own tone calm (even when they aren’t)
Support communication
For children who struggle to verbalise emotions:
- Use visual supports (emotion wheels, colour zones)
- Offer choices: “Do you need space or a hug?”
- Accept alternative communication such as gestures or pictures
Set clear, consistent boundaries
- Explain expectations calmly, without long lectures
- Be consistent with routines and consequences
- Praise positive behaviour immediately and specifically
Look after basic needs
Regulation is harder when a child is:
- Tired
- Hungry
- Dehydrated
- Overstimulated
- Ill
Create a calm, predictable environment
- Establish routines for mornings, school, and bedtime
- Use visual timetables or schedules
- Give plenty of notice before transitions or changes
Help your child recognise and name emotions
- Use emotion charts or picture cards
- Model naming your own feelings: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a breath.”
- Read books or watch programmes that talk about feelings
Teach coping strategies
These can be practised when your child is calm:
- Deep breathing (e.g., “smell the flower, blow the candle”)
- Counting slowly
- Using sensory tools like fidget toys or stress balls
- Taking short movement breaks
- Listening to calming music
- Going to a quiet space
Use co‑regulation
Children often need adults to help them calm down. This might include:
- Staying nearby and speaking gently
- Offering reassurance
- Helping them make sense of what happened
- Keeping your own tone calm (even when they aren’t)
Support communication
For children who struggle to verbalise emotions:
- Use visual supports (emotion wheels, colour zones)
- Offer choices: “Do you need space or a hug?”
- Accept alternative communication such as gestures or pictures
Set clear, consistent boundaries
- Explain expectations calmly, without long lectures
- Be consistent with routines and consequences
- Praise positive behaviour immediately and specifically
Look after basic needs
Regulation is harder when a child is:
- Tired
- Hungry
- Dehydrated
- Overstimulated
- Ill