Empathising and Systemising

Understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings—known as empathy—develops gradually throughout childhood. Some children, including those who are neurodivergent, may find aspects of empathising or sympathising more challenging or may express empathy in ways that differ from typical expectations.

Why differences in empathy and sympathy may occur

Many factors shape a child’s ability to understand and respond to emotions—there is no single reason. In neurodivergent children, differences are often linked to:

Differences in reading facial expressions or social cues
Challenges interpreting tone of voice
A preference for direct, literal communication
Heightened or reduced sensitivity to emotional situations
Emotional overwhelm that makes responding to others difficult
These differences affect how empathy is shown, not whether a child has empathy.

This section explains why these differences might look like, and how parents and carers can support their child.

Children who find language difficult may:

Struggle to express understanding verbally
Show caring through actions rather than words
Misinterpret social situations or intentions

Children who find language difficult may:

Struggle to express understanding verbally
Show caring through actions rather than words
Misinterpret social situations or intentions

If a child becomes overwhelmed easily, they may focus on managing their own feelings first, making it harder to tune into someone else’s.

Some children may need more time to:

Work out what someone else is feeling
Understand why the feeling occurred
Decide what the appropriate response should be

Some children may need more time to:

Work out what someone else is feeling
Understand why the feeling occurred
Decide what the appropriate response should be

Every child is unique, but common signs include:

In communication

Difficulty reading facial expressions or body language
Literal interpretation of social cues
Not knowing what to say when someone is upset
Asking questions that seem blunt but are genuine attempts to understand

In behaviour

Walking away from someone who is distressed (often because they don’t know what to do, not because they don’t care)
Becoming upset themselves when others are upset (emotional contagion)
Offering practical solutions instead of comfort
Showing empathy through actions—e.g., fetching a toy or sharing an interest

In social understanding

Challenges taking another perspective (“theory of mind”)
Difficulties understanding jokes, sarcasm, or hidden meanings
Struggling with conflict resolution
Strong fairness or rule‑based thinking

These behaviours do not mean a child lacks empathy—they may simply express it differently, need more time, or require support to understand social situations.

Every child is unique, but common signs include:

In communication

Difficulty reading facial expressions or body language
Literal interpretation of social cues
Not knowing what to say when someone is upset
Asking questions that seem blunt but are genuine attempts to understand

In behaviour

Walking away from someone who is distressed (often because they don’t know what to do, not because they don’t care)
Becoming upset themselves when others are upset (emotional contagion)
Offering practical solutions instead of comfort
Showing empathy through actions—e.g., fetching a toy or sharing an interest

In social understanding

Challenges taking another perspective (“theory of mind”)
Difficulties understanding jokes, sarcasm, or hidden meanings
Struggling with conflict resolution
Strong fairness or rule‑based thinking

These behaviours do not mean a child lacks empathy—they may simply express it differently, need more time, or require support to understand social situations.

Model empathy openly

Children learn through example:

“You look sad; I wonder if you need a cuddle?”
“I can see that was difficult for you. How can I help?”

Showing empathy explicitly helps children learn what it looks like.

Teach emotions step-by-step

Use picture cards, stories, or TV scenes to discuss feelings
Name your own feelings and explain why: “I’m worried because…”
Help your child link facial expressions with emotions

Support perspective‑taking gently

Try:

“How do you think they felt when that happened?”
“What could help them feel better?”
“If that were you, what would you want someone to do?”

Keep questions simple and without judgement.

Give scripts they can use

For children unsure what to say:

“Are you OK?”
“Do you want help?”
“I’m here if you need me.”

Practice in calm moments so they feel prepared.

Validate your child’s efforts

Praise any sign of empathy, even small:

“That was kind of you to check on your friend.”
“I noticed you shared your toy when they were upset.”

Reduce social overwhelm

If emotional overload gets in the way of empathy:

Provide quiet spaces
Allow breaks from busy groups
Prepare your child for new situations

Use stories and play

Role‑play and social stories can help children understand:

Friendship skills
Kind responses
Turn‑taking
Solving disagreements

Support communication needs

If your child has speech, language, or communication difficulties:

Offer visual supports
Use simple language
Accept non‑verbal expressions of empathy