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Supporting mental health in children and young people with SEND

Mental Health in Children with Special Educational Needs (SEN)

Children with special educational needs (SEN) often experience mental health challenges in ways that differ from their neurotypical peers. These differences arise from the unique characteristics associated with their conditions, and it’s important to remember that experiences can vary widely depending on the type and severity of SEN.

Some common factors that can impact mental health include:

  • Communication difficulties that make it harder to express feelings or ask for help.
  • Heightened sensory sensitivities, which can lead to anxiety or overwhelm in everyday environments.
  • Challenges in recognising and managing emotions, increasing vulnerability to stress.
  • Social communication difficulties, which may result in isolation, loneliness, or depression.
  • Greater risk of bullying or teasing, affecting self-esteem and emotional wellbeing.

Supporting mental health in children with SEN requires understanding these unique needs.

Bonding with our child is a two way process. The turn-taking and two-way interaction where we respond to each other's signals (like smiles, sounds, or gestures) in a rhythmic and in tune way, help build the bond when our child is small and keep it strong as the child grows. Some children and young people with SEND may not pick up on cues from their caregiver and they may not return their attempts to bond and interact with them. This means there is a higher risk of disruption to our relationship with them. This is no one's fault but it is helpful to keep this in mind.

Sometimes, like with all relationships, our relationships with our children or young people can go through a bad patch. This is normal but they are things we can do to pull things back on track. A close bond with our children helps them open up to us about how they are feeling, come to us when they need help and supports good mental health.

There’s no formula for getting your parent-child relationship right. But if your relationship with your child is built on warm, loving and responsive interactions most of the time, your child will feel loved, safe and secure.

Strategies to try:

  • Reserve some time in each day to be in the moment with your child
  • Spend quality time with your child doing things they enjoy
  • Establish an environment of trust and respect. Some ideas of how to do this.
  • Surprise them with something they like i.e. a magazine, a sweet, a milkshake etc.. Don’t link this to their behaviour, make it clear you did this just because they are them and you love them.

How can we show we are in the moment with our children?

Being in the moment is about tuning in and thinking about what’s going on with your child. It shows your child that you care about the things that matter to them, which is the basis for a strong relationship.

Here are ideas for being in the moment with your child:

  • Show acceptance, let your child be, and try not to give directions all the time.
  • Notice what your child is doing and encourage it without judgment.
  • Listen to your child and tune in to their feelings. 
  • Stop and think about what your child’s behaviour is telling you. 
  • Support your child’s ideas. 
  • When your child expresses an opinion, use this to learn more about your child’s thoughts and feelings, even if they’re different from yours.

Repeating or rephrasing your child’s words, smiling and making eye contact (if they are comfortable with this) tells your child you’re paying attention when you’re talking or spending time together. These expressions of warmth and interest help your child feel secure and build confidence.

Set up some firm but fair family rules. Rules are clear statements about how your family wants to treat its members. They can help your child trust that you’ll treat them fairly and consistently. This can also reduce anxiety as it helps children know what is expected of them.

Bonding with our child is a two way process. The turn-taking and two-way interaction where we respond to each other's signals (like smiles, sounds, or gestures) in a rhythmic and in tune way, help build the bond when our child is small and keep it strong as the child grows. Some children and young people with SEND may not pick up on cues from their caregiver and they may not return their attempts to bond and interact with them. This means there is a higher risk of disruption to our relationship with them. This is no one's fault but it is helpful to keep this in mind.

Sometimes, like with all relationships, our relationships with our children or young people can go through a bad patch. This is normal but they are things we can do to pull things back on track. A close bond with our children helps them open up to us about how they are feeling, come to us when they need help and supports good mental health.

There’s no formula for getting your parent-child relationship right. But if your relationship with your child is built on warm, loving and responsive interactions most of the time, your child will feel loved, safe and secure.

Strategies to try:

  • Reserve some time in each day to be in the moment with your child
  • Spend quality time with your child doing things they enjoy
  • Establish an environment of trust and respect. Some ideas of how to do this.
  • Surprise them with something they like i.e. a magazine, a sweet, a milkshake etc.. Don’t link this to their behaviour, make it clear you did this just because they are them and you love them.

How can we show we are in the moment with our children?

Being in the moment is about tuning in and thinking about what’s going on with your child. It shows your child that you care about the things that matter to them, which is the basis for a strong relationship.

Here are ideas for being in the moment with your child:

  • Show acceptance, let your child be, and try not to give directions all the time.
  • Notice what your child is doing and encourage it without judgment.
  • Listen to your child and tune in to their feelings. 
  • Stop and think about what your child’s behaviour is telling you. 
  • Support your child’s ideas. 
  • When your child expresses an opinion, use this to learn more about your child’s thoughts and feelings, even if they’re different from yours.

Repeating or rephrasing your child’s words, smiling and making eye contact (if they are comfortable with this) tells your child you’re paying attention when you’re talking or spending time together. These expressions of warmth and interest help your child feel secure and build confidence.

Set up some firm but fair family rules. Rules are clear statements about how your family wants to treat its members. They can help your child trust that you’ll treat them fairly and consistently. This can also reduce anxiety as it helps children know what is expected of them.

  • Build Resilience: Encourage activities that build your child’s self-esteem and resilience, such as participating in sports, art, or hobbies. Doing activities that they enjoy and are good at can really help foster good mental health.
  • Peer Support: Although many young people with SEN struggle with social skills, it can help to foster connections with peers who are understanding and supportive. Look for clubs either online or local to you for children or young people who have things in common with them that they might like to join.
  • Promote Independence: Help your child develop life skills and independence, even if they have significant challenges. This can help them feel a sense of accomplishment and be proud on themselves.
  • Stress Management: Teach your child stress management techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or yoga, to help them cope with anxiety or frustration. ChildLine Calm Zone have videos and resources you can use with your child.
  • Self-Care: Model self-care practices for your child. Demonstrating how to manage stress and prioritise mental health can be a powerful example for them.
  • Celebrate Achievements: Celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small. Recognise their strengths and progress, reinforcing their sense of self-worth.
  • Build Resilience: Encourage activities that build your child’s self-esteem and resilience, such as participating in sports, art, or hobbies. Doing activities that they enjoy and are good at can really help foster good mental health.
  • Peer Support: Although many young people with SEN struggle with social skills, it can help to foster connections with peers who are understanding and supportive. Look for clubs either online or local to you for children or young people who have things in common with them that they might like to join.
  • Promote Independence: Help your child develop life skills and independence, even if they have significant challenges. This can help them feel a sense of accomplishment and be proud on themselves.
  • Stress Management: Teach your child stress management techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or yoga, to help them cope with anxiety or frustration. ChildLine Calm Zone have videos and resources you can use with your child.
  • Self-Care: Model self-care practices for your child. Demonstrating how to manage stress and prioritise mental health can be a powerful example for them.
  • Celebrate Achievements: Celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small. Recognise their strengths and progress, reinforcing their sense of self-worth.

Keep in mind that all children are different, but some of the common signs of mental health problems in children include:

  • becoming withdrawn from friends and family
  • persistent low mood and unhappiness
  • tearfulness and irritability
  • worries that stop them from carrying out day to day tasks
  • sudden outbursts of anger directed at themselves or others
  • loss of interest in activities that they used to enjoy
  • problems eating or sleeping

Keep in mind that all children are different, but some of the common signs of mental health problems in children include:

  • becoming withdrawn from friends and family
  • persistent low mood and unhappiness
  • tearfulness and irritability
  • worries that stop them from carrying out day to day tasks
  • sudden outbursts of anger directed at themselves or others
  • loss of interest in activities that they used to enjoy
  • problems eating or sleeping

One of the best places to start is by talking about mental health to your child. Your child needs to develop the language he or she needs to describe their emotions. This is often called emotional literacy. For some good ideas on how to support your child to develop emotional literacy visit Action For Children.

In addition to improving emotional literacy, an open dialogue will also go a long way to making your child feel heard and supported. Make conversations about mental health a normal part of life – anywhere is a good place to talk; in the car, walking the dog or cooking together. Ask open-ended questions and show empathy rather than trying to offer immediate solutions.

​When listening, make sure you’re fully present and that your child can feel that they have your undivided attention. Put your phone and other distractions to one side and just be there with your child and listen to what they have to say.

Children and young people with SEN can sometimes struggle with emotional regulation. When we get frustrated, angry, sad, excited or experience any other big emotion, we have strategies that we use to regulate ourselves again. For example, when you are sad, you might call your mum, take a bath or listen to a particular piece of music. Over your life, you have learned lots of ways to help you regulate your emotions. All children need to learn these techniques but sometimes children with SEN are still needing to learn these when they are at an older age. For more information and some good ideas on how to support your child to learn self-regulation techniques see the Bright Heart website.

Children live what they learn so it is imperative that we model healthy habits and show our children what good emotional regulation and self-care looks like. If you feel stressed out, anxious and overwhelmed, make a point of implementing a self-care routine so you can demonstrate to your child good habits.

One of the best places to start is by talking about mental health to your child. Your child needs to develop the language he or she needs to describe their emotions. This is often called emotional literacy. For some good ideas on how to support your child to develop emotional literacy visit Action For Children.

In addition to improving emotional literacy, an open dialogue will also go a long way to making your child feel heard and supported. Make conversations about mental health a normal part of life – anywhere is a good place to talk; in the car, walking the dog or cooking together. Ask open-ended questions and show empathy rather than trying to offer immediate solutions.

​When listening, make sure you’re fully present and that your child can feel that they have your undivided attention. Put your phone and other distractions to one side and just be there with your child and listen to what they have to say.

Children and young people with SEN can sometimes struggle with emotional regulation. When we get frustrated, angry, sad, excited or experience any other big emotion, we have strategies that we use to regulate ourselves again. For example, when you are sad, you might call your mum, take a bath or listen to a particular piece of music. Over your life, you have learned lots of ways to help you regulate your emotions. All children need to learn these techniques but sometimes children with SEN are still needing to learn these when they are at an older age. For more information and some good ideas on how to support your child to learn self-regulation techniques see the Bright Heart website.

Children live what they learn so it is imperative that we model healthy habits and show our children what good emotional regulation and self-care looks like. If you feel stressed out, anxious and overwhelmed, make a point of implementing a self-care routine so you can demonstrate to your child good habits.

More information and advice on supporting the mental health of children

Get in touch with your child’s teacher and/or tutors

It is vital that they are made aware that your child is struggling and they will be able to keep an eye on them in school and provide much-needed additional support and encouragement. Schools can refer to The Mental Health Support Teams (MHST) which is a Hampshire CAMHS early help service designed to improve access to psychological therapies for young people. Find out more about the Mental Health Support Teams in Schools.

Speak to your child’s GP

You may wish to speak to your child’s GP. Before your appointment, keep a diary of the signs you are seeing with detailed examples to give your GP to help them understand the situation.

CAMHS – Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services.

This is where referrals from a GP will usually end up. It can take a long time to be seen by CAMHS and only children with more severe mental health needs need to see a mental health professional. CAMH’s run some brilliant events and have a useful website for you to get advice on how to support your child’s mental health at home.

Young Minds helpline

Young Minds offer tailored information, advice and support to parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person’s mental health. You can speak to them over the phone, or chat to them online.

You can use the Helpline service if you are the parent or main carer of a child or young person aged 25 or under. It is free and confidential.

Parenting Mental Health

Parenting Mental Health understand the unique challenges that come with parenting or caring for a child with mental illness. You can sign up to access their private and confidential Facebook community where more than 47,000 parents support each other day and night so you don’t have to do this alone.

Childline

has trained counsellors who can help your child to talk about the emotions they may be feeling. It’s a safe space for children to think about ways to improve their situation. They often find it easier to open up to someone they don’t know.

The National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children

The NSPCC website offers a wealth of additional information and support for you and your child.

More information and advice on supporting the mental health of children

Get in touch with your child’s teacher and/or tutors

It is vital that they are made aware that your child is struggling and they will be able to keep an eye on them in school and provide much-needed additional support and encouragement. Schools can refer to The Mental Health Support Teams (MHST) which is a Hampshire CAMHS early help service designed to improve access to psychological therapies for young people. Find out more about the Mental Health Support Teams in Schools.

Speak to your child’s GP

You may wish to speak to your child’s GP. Before your appointment, keep a diary of the signs you are seeing with detailed examples to give your GP to help them understand the situation.

CAMHS – Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services.

This is where referrals from a GP will usually end up. It can take a long time to be seen by CAMHS and only children with more severe mental health needs need to see a mental health professional. CAMH’s run some brilliant events and have a useful website for you to get advice on how to support your child’s mental health at home.

Young Minds helpline

Young Minds offer tailored information, advice and support to parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person’s mental health. You can speak to them over the phone, or chat to them online.

You can use the Helpline service if you are the parent or main carer of a child or young person aged 25 or under. It is free and confidential.

Parenting Mental Health

Parenting Mental Health understand the unique challenges that come with parenting or caring for a child with mental illness. You can sign up to access their private and confidential Facebook community where more than 47,000 parents support each other day and night so you don’t have to do this alone.

Childline

has trained counsellors who can help your child to talk about the emotions they may be feeling. It’s a safe space for children to think about ways to improve their situation. They often find it easier to open up to someone they don’t know.

The National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children

The NSPCC website offers a wealth of additional information and support for you and your child.

Child to Parent Violence 

There is currently no legal definition of child-to-parent violence, but typically, it is referred to as a pattern of physical, psychological, and emotional behaviour seen in children and adolescents who cannot regulate their feelings in other ways or have a great need to gain control over their parents or carers.

Violence from children can be shown in a variety of ways:

·       Threats of violence – intimidation and sustaining a fear of violence.

·       Physical violence – hitting, kicking, biting, and spitting.

·       Verbal aggression – shouting, swearing, and offensive language.

·       Emotional abuse – humiliating language, lying, withholding affection, threatening to run away, or hurt themselves, and relentlessly pursuing parents around the home.

·       Financial abuse – stealing, destroying property, and demanding expensive items.

Some children may feel a lot of frustration related to their disability. This frustration may be shown through violence, aggression, or self-harming behaviours, such as banging their head or cutting their skin.

Generally, there are four main functions of violent or aggressive behaviour in children and young people with SEND:

  •  To get attention
  • To get something tangible like sweets or a toy
  •  To avoid doing something
  • To get a sensory response

But, there are many reasons a child might become violent or aggressive, including:

  • Frustration
  • Unmet emotional or psychological needs
  •  Emotional overload
  • To gain control (usually due to anxiety)
  • To stop something from happening
  • To alert you that they need or want attention
  • They lack the skills to problem-solve and communicate effectively
  • Their ability to control impulses has not developed yet

Some children may feel a lot of frustration related to their disability. This frustration may be shown through violence, aggression, or self-harming behaviours, such as banging their head or cutting their skin.

Generally, there are four main functions of violent or aggressive behaviour in children and young people with SEND:

  •  To get attention
  • To get something tangible like sweets or a toy
  •  To avoid doing something
  • To get a sensory response

But, there are many reasons a child might become violent or aggressive, including:

  • Frustration
  • Unmet emotional or psychological needs
  •  Emotional overload
  • To gain control (usually due to anxiety)
  • To stop something from happening
  • To alert you that they need or want attention
  • They lack the skills to problem-solve and communicate effectively
  • Their ability to control impulses has not developed yet

One complication of this behaviour is that there’s no set way to respond; what works for one family may not work for another.

Before implementing a strategy for your child you need to understand the triggers for their behaviour.

Are there particular places, events, or objects that the child responds to violently?

Most children are sensitive about certain things or get stressed about certain events. With disabled children, this sensitivity can be enhanced. For example, sensitivity to loud noises, bright colours, or certain textures. Understanding what triggers the child can help reduce the behaviours by removing or reducing the trigger where possible. It might help to keep a diary for a while. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation have a chart which you can use to record your child’s behaviour here.

Are environmental factors involved?

Consider whether the child’s environment might contribute to their behaviour. If violent and aggressive behaviour is prominent in a certain place, for example at home or at school, then you may want to look at ways of modifying the environment to help them.

A common problem can be sensory stimuli in the environment such as noises, smells, and colours. For more information on sensory needs and what changes can help please see The National Autism Society’s website.

Could your child be experiencing pain?

If the child’s behaviour changes suddenly, then it may be due to physical changes your child is experiencing, for example, puberty pains or a toothache. If your child finds it difficult to communicate, it might not be easy for them to tell you about their pain and difficult for you to know what they are experiencing. Some children struggle to recognise the signals from their body so it can be hard for them to articulate that they are experiencing pain and some children do not have the verbal ability to express themselves. PECS cards can help children to indicate that they are experiencing pain.

Has there been a change which might have triggered the behaviour?

Changes to a child’s routine, in who is providing care to them or changes like a new baby in the family can spark challenging behaviour.

To help your child you might want to consider using a social story to explain any changes to them in a way that helps them to understand. If you can, try to use social stories to prepare your child for any changes that you know will happen.

One complication of this behaviour is that there’s no set way to respond; what works for one family may not work for another.

Before implementing a strategy for your child you need to understand the triggers for their behaviour.

Are there particular places, events, or objects that the child responds to violently?

Most children are sensitive about certain things or get stressed about certain events. With disabled children, this sensitivity can be enhanced. For example, sensitivity to loud noises, bright colours, or certain textures. Understanding what triggers the child can help reduce the behaviours by removing or reducing the trigger where possible. It might help to keep a diary for a while. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation have a chart which you can use to record your child’s behaviour here.

Are environmental factors involved?

Consider whether the child’s environment might contribute to their behaviour. If violent and aggressive behaviour is prominent in a certain place, for example at home or at school, then you may want to look at ways of modifying the environment to help them.

A common problem can be sensory stimuli in the environment such as noises, smells, and colours. For more information on sensory needs and what changes can help please see The National Autism Society’s website.

Could your child be experiencing pain?

If the child’s behaviour changes suddenly, then it may be due to physical changes your child is experiencing, for example, puberty pains or a toothache. If your child finds it difficult to communicate, it might not be easy for them to tell you about their pain and difficult for you to know what they are experiencing. Some children struggle to recognise the signals from their body so it can be hard for them to articulate that they are experiencing pain and some children do not have the verbal ability to express themselves. PECS cards can help children to indicate that they are experiencing pain.

Has there been a change which might have triggered the behaviour?

Changes to a child’s routine, in who is providing care to them or changes like a new baby in the family can spark challenging behaviour.

To help your child you might want to consider using a social story to explain any changes to them in a way that helps them to understand. If you can, try to use social stories to prepare your child for any changes that you know will happen.

Once you have considered your child’s environment, ability, and triggers, you can work on a strategy to reduce violent and aggressive behaviours. This might be challenging the environment, introducing social stories and PECS to aid communication or replacing their current way of communicating a need with something less harmful.

For support in developing strategies, here are some organisations that can help;

Newbold Hope is an organisation which aims to support parents of children with SEND who experience challenging behaviour. They have compiled a list of the most useful information for parents to help them reduce their child’s challenging behaviour. They run webinars, parenting courses and have a Facebook group for parents to join.

Parenting Education Growth Support aim to create safe places online where you can talk openly about your experiences and is open to any parent, carer or guardian experiencing Child to Parent Abuse, regardless of the age of their child.

You can self-refer and they will be in touch to let you know which services below we're able to offer. Our drop-ins and peer support group are available to every parent who refers is referred. They also offer multiple virtual drop-in sessions each week, at different times during the day and evening and peer support groups.

PEGS run Empowering Parents in Crisis (EPIC) sessions are tailor-made for parents, carers and guardians and aimed at reducing feelings of isolation, guilt and blame.

They talk about coping strategies, behaviour and communication, confidence building, and the importance of self-care. They also run one-to-one support. Please note, due to increasing referral numbers, there may be a wait for one-to-one support.

Non-Violent Resistance is a parenting course which aims to reduce child to parent violence. Youth Options in Eastleigh run the course for free and the Family Support Service runs the course in various locations around Hampshire.

Once you have considered your child’s environment, ability, and triggers, you can work on a strategy to reduce violent and aggressive behaviours. This might be challenging the environment, introducing social stories and PECS to aid communication or replacing their current way of communicating a need with something less harmful.

For support in developing strategies, here are some organisations that can help;

Newbold Hope is an organisation which aims to support parents of children with SEND who experience challenging behaviour. They have compiled a list of the most useful information for parents to help them reduce their child’s challenging behaviour. They run webinars, parenting courses and have a Facebook group for parents to join.

Parenting Education Growth Support aim to create safe places online where you can talk openly about your experiences and is open to any parent, carer or guardian experiencing Child to Parent Abuse, regardless of the age of their child.

You can self-refer and they will be in touch to let you know which services below we're able to offer. Our drop-ins and peer support group are available to every parent who refers is referred. They also offer multiple virtual drop-in sessions each week, at different times during the day and evening and peer support groups.

PEGS run Empowering Parents in Crisis (EPIC) sessions are tailor-made for parents, carers and guardians and aimed at reducing feelings of isolation, guilt and blame.

They talk about coping strategies, behaviour and communication, confidence building, and the importance of self-care. They also run one-to-one support. Please note, due to increasing referral numbers, there may be a wait for one-to-one support.

Non-Violent Resistance is a parenting course which aims to reduce child to parent violence. Youth Options in Eastleigh run the course for free and the Family Support Service runs the course in various locations around Hampshire.

Helpful Links