Skip to content

Being an effective advocate for your child

There will be times when you disagree with decisions or feel that your concerns are not being understood. This can be frustrating and emotional, particularly when the issues being discussed affect your child's wellbeing, education or future.

A useful reminder

Most professionals come into SEND-related roles because they want to help children and young people. Sometimes people will make mistakes, misunderstand situations, or reach conclusions that you disagree with. Asking questions and seeking clarification is often more effective than assuming someone doesn't care.

Assume good intentions, but ask questions when things don't make sense.

Maintaining positive working relationships is one of the most powerful tools you have.

Meetings can sometimes feel emotional or overwhelming. They are about your child, someone who is incredibly important to you, so it is perfectly natural to have strong feelings about the support they receive.

Being calm and prepared can help you get the most out of the meeting. Before the meeting, think about what might help you feel more confident and ready to take part in the discussion.

Some ideas include:

  • Reading through your notes or any paperwork beforehand
  • Talking things through with someone you trust
  • Arriving a little early so you have time to settle before the meeting starts
  • Taking a drink with you
  • Bringing someone along for support

Remember, it is okay to feel nervous or emotional. Taking a few simple steps to prepare can help you feel more confident and ensure your views are heard.

Reminder:

You are the expert on your child.

It is OK to ask questions.

It is OK to ask people to explain things differently.

It is OK to take notes.

It is OK to ask for a short break.

Meetings can sometimes feel emotional or overwhelming. They are about your child, someone who is incredibly important to you, so it is perfectly natural to have strong feelings about the support they receive.

Being calm and prepared can help you get the most out of the meeting. Before the meeting, think about what might help you feel more confident and ready to take part in the discussion.

Some ideas include:

  • Reading through your notes or any paperwork beforehand
  • Talking things through with someone you trust
  • Arriving a little early so you have time to settle before the meeting starts
  • Taking a drink with you
  • Bringing someone along for support

Remember, it is okay to feel nervous or emotional. Taking a few simple steps to prepare can help you feel more confident and ensure your views are heard.

Reminder:

You are the expert on your child.

It is OK to ask questions.

It is OK to ask people to explain things differently.

It is OK to take notes.

It is OK to ask for a short break.

Assertive communication helps people understand the impact on your child, keeps the focus on solutions and often leads to better outcomes. Aggressive communication may feel satisfying in the moment, but it can make it harder for people to listen and work together effectively.

Why does it matter?

When people feel attacked, criticised or blamed, they can become defensive. This can make it harder to have productive conversations and find solutions.

Being respectful and collaborative does not mean you have to agree with decisions or stop challenging things that are wrong. It means focusing on the issue you want to resolve rather than on individuals.

You can be firm, persistent and clear while still maintaining a constructive relationship.

Assertive communication helps people understand the impact on your child, keeps the focus on solutions and often leads to better outcomes. Aggressive communication may feel satisfying in the moment, but it can make it harder for people to listen and work together effectively.

Why does it matter?

When people feel attacked, criticised or blamed, they can become defensive. This can make it harder to have productive conversations and find solutions.

Being respectful and collaborative does not mean you have to agree with decisions or stop challenging things that are wrong. It means focusing on the issue you want to resolve rather than on individuals.

You can be firm, persistent and clear while still maintaining a constructive relationship.

Sometimes it can be more effective to explain how a situation is affecting your child or family rather than focusing on who is at fault.

For example, instead of saying:

"You're refusing to help."

You could say:

"I'm struggling to understand why this decision has been made. Could you help me understand the reasons and what evidence would be needed to consider a different approach?"

Sometimes it can be more effective to explain how a situation is affecting your child or family rather than focusing on who is at fault.

For example, instead of saying:

"You're refusing to help."

You could say:

"I'm struggling to understand why this decision has been made. Could you help me understand the reasons and what evidence would be needed to consider a different approach?"

"I" statements focus on your experience and concerns rather than making assumptions about other people's intentions.

For example:

  • "I am worried about..."
  • "I have noticed..."
  • "I feel concerned when..."
  • "I don't understand..."
  • "I would like help to understand..."
  • "I would like us to consider..."

These types of statements often encourage discussion rather than argument.

Remember

You can challenge decisions respectfully.

You can disagree without becoming confrontational.

You can ask difficult questions politely.

You can be persistent while maintaining good relationships.

Focus on finding solutions that improve outcomes for your child or young person.

"I" statements focus on your experience and concerns rather than making assumptions about other people's intentions.

For example:

  • "I am worried about..."
  • "I have noticed..."
  • "I feel concerned when..."
  • "I don't understand..."
  • "I would like help to understand..."
  • "I would like us to consider..."

These types of statements often encourage discussion rather than argument.

Remember

You can challenge decisions respectfully.

You can disagree without becoming confrontational.

You can ask difficult questions politely.

You can be persistent while maintaining good relationships.

Focus on finding solutions that improve outcomes for your child or young person.

This Meeting Planner has been designed to help you prepare for meetings, organise your thoughts, and feel more confident about taking part. It can help you identify what is most important to discuss, note down questions you would like answered, and keep track of any actions or next steps that are agreed.

You do not need to use every section. Simply use the parts that are most helpful to you. Taking a little time to prepare beforehand can make it easier to communicate your views and ensure the meeting focuses on what matters most to your child or young person. 

Download the Meeting Planner

This Meeting Planner has been designed to help you prepare for meetings, organise your thoughts, and feel more confident about taking part. It can help you identify what is most important to discuss, note down questions you would like answered, and keep track of any actions or next steps that are agreed.

You do not need to use every section. Simply use the parts that are most helpful to you. Taking a little time to prepare beforehand can make it easier to communicate your views and ensure the meeting focuses on what matters most to your child or young person. 

Download the Meeting Planner